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Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

 


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________  DATE OF BIRTH___________

HEIGHT_________  WEIGHT__________  IQ________  GPA___________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_____________  DRIVERS LICENSE #____________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_________________________________

HOME ADDRESS___________________  CITY/STATE________  ZIP____

Do you have parents?                    ___Yes  ___No
Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No
If No, explain: ________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ___________________________
If less than your age, explain ____________________________________
____________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?                           __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?                                                 __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?             __Yes  __No

E. A tattoo?                                                     __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,                __Yes  __No
   pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

____________________________________________________________
       ____________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
    ____________________________________________________________
       ____________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
       ____________________________________________________________
      ____________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ______________________________________________

How often you attend ___________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

       father? _____________

       mother? _____________

       pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
       ______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
       ______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:
       ______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
       ______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? __________________________
       ______________________________________________________________
       ______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
       ______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

__________________________      ___________________________
Mother's Signature                           Father's Signature

__________________________      ___________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                          State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)


 

09/23/06