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6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrousers, Minnesota 69696
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your recent application to model and represent our product, Trojan Condoms.
Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose, baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.
We did admire your efforts to firm it up by using Poly-Grip. But even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that we have never seen a penis that looked like a bicycle grip before.
We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a market for Micro-Mini Condoms.
We send greetings and our deepest sympathy to your wife and/or girlfriend.
Yours very truly,
Cover your stump before you hump!
Don't be silly. Protect your willy!
Before you attack her, wrap your wacker!
If you're not going to sack it, go home and wack it!