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How Many ...


How many gay guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Six --- 1 to choose the tiffany lamp
       1 to charge it to his gold card, and
       4 to say "Oh, it's you, it's you!"

Question - How many internet mail list subscribers
does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer - 1,331:

  • 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed

  • 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

  • 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

  • 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

  • 53 to flame the spell checkers

  • 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

  • 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

  • 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb

  • 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

  • 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.

  • 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

  • 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs

  • 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

  • 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

  • 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."

  • 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

  • 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."

  • 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

  • 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

  • 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.

  • 143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

6...1 to screw it in and 5 to say Faaabulous!

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb and five others to stand around
and drink until the room spins.

How many government employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?


  • 435 representatives to pass the Illumination Act

  • 1 President to veto it

  • 100 senators and 1 presiding vice president to
    override the President's veto

  • 3 clerks to notarize the triplicate application for the
    light bulb's screwing-in

  • 1 Department of Light Bulb Installation chairman to
    approve the screwing in of the light bulb

  • and 8 Supreme Court Justices to declare the
    Illumination Act unconstitutional.

(The light bulb never actually does get screwed in).

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. If the light bulb needed changing the free market would have already taken care of it.

How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one...she holds the light bulb in the socket and the world revolves around her.

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They only screw the poor.

How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They only screw the taxpayers.

How many country Singers does it take to change a light bulb?

5...1 to change it and 4 to sing about how
they're going to miss the old one.

How many heterosexual San Francisco waiters
does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Six....One to screw it in, five to yell "It's all you!!!"

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three... one to screw in the bulb and
two to discuss the violation of the socket.

How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Darkness is Irrelevant.

Many how does dyslexics take ti change to light bulb a?

How many members of the Starship Enterprise
does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Seven. Scotty notices a light bulb's burned out but doesn't have a replacement, so Kirk, Spock, McCoy and three security guards beam down to a planet to get some. The guards are killed immediately, and Kirk, Spock and McCoy are captured by natives. McCoy then cures the native chief's cold, who in gratitude gives them a light bulb and let's them go. They then beam back up to the ship and Scotty replaces the bulb.

(This was the original script to Star Trek IV, but Roddenberry had second thoughts.)

Thanks To Our Contributors:

Nizza & Louis