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LAWYERS

 

Three surgeons met at a convention, and during the break, they began discussing what types of patients they liked to operate on.

The first doc said, "I prefer to operate on short people because it more of a challenge to get the job done without making as large an incision."

The second surgeon replied, "Challenge, shmallenge. I prefer to operate on oriental people because their anatomy is always textbook perfect. Everything is in the right place every time."

The third doctor said, "Obviously neither of you has ever done surgery on a lawyer. They are by far the easiest patients to cut on. When you open them up, you'll see that they have no heart, they certainly have no guts, and their rear end is interchangeable with their mouth."

 


What's the difference between a dead dog in the road
and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.


How do you tell if a lawyer is well hung?

You can't get your fingers between the rope and his neck.


Why should all lawyers be 6 feet under?

Because deep down, they're nice guys.


Why is five lawyers in a Buick going off a cliff a sad thing?

A Buick holds six.


What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean....

..... an excellent start.


Why did LA end up with all lawyers while SF got all the poofs?

SF got first choice.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The Bucket!!!


Why are research scientists now using lawyers
instead of rats in laboratory experiments?

       1) There are more lawyers than rats.
       2) The scientists were becoming too attached to the rats.
       3) There are some things a rat just won't do.


How can you tell a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.


The Law Offices of Dewey, Cheetum & Howe.


What form of birth control do lawyers use?

Their personalities.


 

09/23/06