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YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TEXAS WHEN ...

 

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water...

You can say 110 degrees without fainting...

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off...

You can make instant sun tea...

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly...

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance...

Hot water now comes out of both taps...

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets...

You actually burn your hand opening the car door...

You break a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30 a.m. before work...

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning...

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?..."

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state...



A big Texan ambles into a Dallas men's room and does a double-take at the little guy standing at the next urinal. He's holding his "snake" with two hands and smiling.

The Texan asks "How long is that snake fella?"

"14 inches."

"Is that 14 inches soft?"

"Yes."

"Well how long is it when it's hard?"

The little guy answers proudly, "I don't know - it takes so much blood, I faint!"



Making your wishes come true

Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.

The driver says, "Why'd you do that?

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."

Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean.

He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"

The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."

The passenger says, "Huh?"

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that with me!'"


 

09/23/06