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Not Quite Clean, Almost Dirty

Bad Fairy Tales


Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, hiked up her dress and then sat on his face screaming, "LIE TO ME! LIE TO ME!!!"

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked step mother won't let her. As she sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only 2 conditions... first, you must wear a diaphragm.

Cinderella agrees. "What's the 2nd condition?"

"You must be home by 2am. Any later and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2am. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5am, Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demanded her god mother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" "I can't remember, exactly...Peter Peter, something or other...."

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and holding, a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a 44 magnum, and pointed it at the wolf and said, "no, you're going to eat me like it says in the book"

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy?" Mickey replied, "No, I didn't. I said she is fuckin' Goofy!"

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters whenever they had sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated. Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto passed Pinocchio on the street, bouncing happily. "How's the girlfriend," he asked. Pinocchio replied, "who needs a girl friend?"