POLITICIANS

SEXGATE

Do you know what the most popular game in
the White House is right now?

Swallow The Leader -- played primarily in the oral office.

Q: What does Monica and a Pepsi machine have in common?

A: They both have a slot saying insert bill here.

A poll of 1000 women in the Washington area were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton, 97% of them said never again!

Fresh off of the Associated Press Wire.....

AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial and stated her mission to rise above the allegations:

"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.

This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way I know how: Head on!

"I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.

"Thank you,"

Monica Lewinsky

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, " Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations said the teacher you may go home." The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you." Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy." "Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

Hillary At the Pearly Gates.......

Hillary is waiting at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes up and says, "I know you were somebody down on Earth, but you are just like everyone else up here, so you will have to wait your turn. Hillary says she understands and takes a seat where she notices this wall covered with clocks. She also notices that every now and then, different clocks jump 15 minutes ahead.

When St. Peter returns, Hillary says, "What's with all the clocks?"

St. Peter replies, "Well, each clock represents a man back on Earth."

"Why is it that some of the clocks skip ahead 15 minutes?" she inquires.

"Every time a clock skips, that means that a man has committed adultery," answers St. Peter.

"Which one is my husband's clock?" inquires Hillary.

"God has that one in his office," answers St. Peter. "He uses it as a fan."

Clinton didn't tell Monica to lie in her deposition.
He told her to lie in a new position.

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and President Clinton were on a fishing boat.
A sudden storm sweeps the boat into a funnel cloud and deposits them in
the Wizard of Oz. Dan Quayle disembarks and announces that he is going
to find the wizard and ask for a brain. Newt steps off and declares that
he will request a heart from the wizard. Clinton hops off and asks,
"Where's Dorothy?"

As it would happen, the Pope and President Clinton died on the same day.
Due to a mix up in paperwork, the Pope went to Hell and Clinton went to Heaven. The Pope went to the devil and explained the mix up. The devil said he would look into it but that it would take a few days.

A week later, the devil tells the Pope that everything has been straightened out and points out a set of escalators, explaining that they would take him to heaven. As the Pope is going up he meets Clinton coming down. The Pope exclaims "I can't wait to meet the Virgin Mary. I've waited all my life for this." Clinton blushes and replies "You're a week late father."

Thanks To Our Contributors:

Cyndi, TommyGirll212