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Jokes and Quotes ---» Quotes and Inspirational ---» Humorous Quotes


HUMOROUS QUOTES

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton-


You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-


I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-


My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner-


I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman-


Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma >Bombeck-


If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-


I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne


I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-


When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-


Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-


I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner-


In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-


I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem-


Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -Gloria Steinhem-


I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-


Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill-


If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee-


I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-


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