Jokes & Quotes



Jokes and Quotes ---» Quotes and Inspirational ---» Humorous Quotes


I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton-

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner-

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman-

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma >Bombeck-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne

I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem-

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -Gloria Steinhem-

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill-

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

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